The Terrors of Brunch

Love them or hate them, America can’t live with out them.

I’m a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to that late breakfast in the morn in that I will crawl out of bed, shower and shave, even *gasp* put on a dress shirt and tie to sit down with my old man or mother and gab about nothing at all until we’re stuffed. But I will fight tooth and nail, eye and claw to avoid making them myself. Doubly so in catering because it financially comes down to me coming in before the sun and finishing after happy hour in the bars is over. I realize this is conceited and lazy of me, but dollar for dollar brunch is just bloody annoying. I am a night person by stock and trade, years in the industry have conditioned me to work well into the wee hours of the night, multiple nights in a row, should my masters require it of me.

But the AM, that’s another beast all together. Part of it stems from the fact that I’ve never worked with anyone that actually toiled BETTER at 6AM than 6PM that was under the age of 50, but all in all it just doesn’t interest me.

American classics like scrambled eggs, Potatoes O’brian, and the plethora of pre-made danish and pastries hold no culinary interestfor me. (I have no qualms buying said danish and pastry because I suck at making them and hold true to my Foodie over Pastie heritage, go Chefs!) And you can’t really tinker with them too much or the GUM’s will turn their noses up at the violation of a classic. And on some levelsI agree with them, many breakfast foods have been taken to their final conclusion, there is no reason to tinker with em any more. Aside from the culinary elite, there is no room for white truffle oil infused Potatoes with golden pepper and caramelized Bermuda onions. And I would never offer something as across the board annoying as Quail Eggs Benedict for fear I would actually have to produce such a labor intensive item en mass, first thing in the morning, for 300 largely unappreciative clients.

For that is the other side of the argumentfor the brunch, people are LEAST picky when they’re least awake. (Case and point for Taco Hell and Jack in the Crack’s legendary sales reports after 2 AM when the bars close.) So you can get away with a lot more, in terms of quantity and presentation. The person that would scrutinize that the carved tomato rosettes have fallen out of the poached side of salmon’s mouth is just as content to load up on her 5th cup of hot coffee she didn’t have to brew or wait in line for herself.

There’s also travel to factor in folks, I dunno about you, but eggs aren’t exactly the most resilient of dishes in my repertoire. And having to drive all the way up to Issaquah from Tacoma wreaks havoc on my products quality and stability. Even if I had the fortune of going to a facility that had a professional kitchen that could handle my work load there’s still the other staff to worry about with their own foibles like coffee, tea, and what not that must be brewed in shop and hauled hot. Imagine tacking an hour wait time at the restaurant from the moment the chef finished your plate to the time the server dropped it on your table.

Soggy hashbrowns. Rubbery Eggs. Stale Danish. And Cold Coffee.

So while yes, breakfast is easier to cook with a lower food cost than lunch or dinner, it comes with many more obstacles that must be over come. And unlike with the other two, working harder and longer isn’t always a fitting solution. It’s why I always wince when ever some one chooses to do one for a momentous event like a wedding or a 50th birthday party. True, last week went with out a hitch. It was by far one of the smoothest events I’ve worked to date for AGA, but there are so many places where things can go wrong. And not just for us, but on the client’s behalf.

Say they didn’t get their liquor permit on Saturday? No liquor store, even if it was open on a Sunday would open before noon, and we had guests there already at 10.

Turn out is always less on a brunch because unless it’s part of a work function where they HAVE to be there people always loose the battle of wills to the pillow. Lord knows if I didn’t have to be in the kitchen heating things up at 6 in the morning I would be soundlessly oblivious to the realms of man.

Last is just common sense. It’s a sunny weekend in Washington. Would you rather A) Spend it wrapped in a thick tuxedo or dress, having gotten up 5 hours earlier than you intended to drive out to the middle of no where and sip memosas to ward off the impending hang over or. . .B) Sleep late, grab a bite at Micky D’s with their magical unicorn meat and lay in the sun while knock back a cold one to the sound of the water and the wind.

I’ll take a sunburn over a late tux returnany day.

Kitchen’s closed.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: